Never-Ending Nightmares...

"No. No. Baen please stay!" sat up, looking at Baen. "Please. It's not Leo. I- I'm over it... mostly. It's just I fe-el so al-alone. I dont w-want to b alo-one. Dont blame anything on Thi-ad! He just wanted hi s-son to be free fr-from the Dark L-Lord. He couldnt do i-it so I-I di-did. He wa-as famil-y-y. It's not abou-out Le-o." Ava held in a low pained scream, that came out as a humming grunt. She squeezed her knees tightly into her chest. She didnt want to be alone. She wanted Baen to come back and hold her, and comfort her.

Trin sighed. Usually they got over it but Ava wasn't 'robust' she certainly wasn't soldier material. He was leaving his mind open so that she could read it and challenge him.
"If you were over it then you would accept the truth. You pinned Leo, Thiad was there. He could have done it himself. But instead he shifted the blame to you, making you look like the killer." He let out an exasperated sigh. "Lianna let Baen go. He can stand outside the door. I've set him as the family guard. That way he's still here but not," Trin narrowed his eyes slightly, glancing from Ava, to Baen. "a distraction."

he glanes at Ava before ignoring Trin's command; a soldier he may be but a friend to her first, he sits next to her and places his arms round her hugging her

"it's all okay, Trin is right, look at me okay? it's all okay. get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning i swear"

Trin waved off Baen's blatant ignorance (I mean in the 'ignore-ance' sense not idiocy sense) and yawned, standing up and heading for the door. As he pushed Lia away he said back to Baen.
"Baen, I'm putting you on the command desk with the rest of my long-standing generals but we've got shit loads of paperwork to get through." He walked off to his bedroom, clicking his shoulder blade and yawning again. "Night all."

"right...I'll get on taht when Ava wishes for me to leave sir, Night"
he looks at Ava enquiringly before rubbing her arm for a few seconds comfortingly and stares out of her window

It had taken Ava a minute to register what Trin had said, but when she did, she was outraged. She turned from Baen's arms, angry and upset tears rolling from her eyes down to her cheeks. Even though Trin had left, she still yelled, "DO YOU NOT LISTEN! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LEO! HE WAS IN MY NIGHTMARE! WHO GIVES A bloody hell! YOU IGNORANT FOOL YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING! THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME KILLING LEO! THIS IS ABOUT THIAD NOT COMING FOR HIS CHILDREN AND MYSELF! I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT LEO RIGHT NOW! WHY DONT YOU LISTEN?! YOU NEVER freaking LISTEN!" Her voice was strained and scratchy. "I DONT WANT TO BE A freaking SOLDIER! I HATE WAR! SO YOU CAN THINK WHATEVER THE bloody hell YOU WANT, TRIN!" She felt no want to call him, 'dad' at that moment. He always made things worse. Always.

Ava's cries were now loud and sounding more painful than they had before Trin had made his idiotic comments. It was like he knew nothing about her. She layed down on the bed and pressed her face into her pillow, screaming out her tears. She hated her life. She hated it.

Trin blinked away the sleep, eyes a blazing fiery orange. Now she had stepped over the line. He stormed back into the room.
"I don't listen?" He asked incredulously. "You have no idea what it's about to not be noticed. You think you have problems? Now, YOU WILL LISTEN!" He bellowed, flames pouring from the corners of his eyes, his pupils a white hot colour. "How would you like it if your father turned out to be the most traitorous person in the world? If your father threatened to kill you, and you knew he would and could? What about being tortured for endless hours by the foulest creatures on this Earth, because no one would pay your ransom? Have you had your children taken away from you by the one person you loved? No! Thiad has, and, yes you have asked about what he must be feeling, but right now you're having a hissy fit about why he won't come here. I bloody well hope he doesn't do what I freaking did when all this bullshit happened to me and try and top himself." Trin breathed in. "You have no idea about the evils and pains of this world and you will always think you are worse off until you stop lashing out at the people trying to help you, specifically me." He said before leaving, punching the doorframe and tearing the wood off.

his own anger flared at Trin's comment and sends his voice into his mind, it sounding very calm for what his emotions were
"Trin, YOU have no idea about the pains of this world, did you see your cousins and nephews gutted like fish? did you see your sister, aunts, mother, wife AND daughters raped and killed slowly and painfully. did you witness teh death of over 200 family members but know you could do nothign to save them! do not lecture someone on pains of the world until you have lost everything but know you cannot join them"
he then sends images and emotions of what he endured shoing what it feels like
as he did this his eyes burn with a pain unmatched of before as he leans over and whispers to her, comforting her

"Ava, calm now...he's gone, everything is okay and it will all feel better in the morning. i promise"

"Thank you Baen, enough of the gory slide show." He said, picking the splinters out of his bloodied fist. "I have also lost everything. Do not think that you are the only one. I agree, my case is not as bad as most, but I'm not preaching to an empty crowd when I say there is little I have left." He then turned his attention to Ava, clearly weary but still talking, with a more soothing voice. "Ava, you cannot blame anything fully upon your self. Thiad will do what he wants and you can't stop that. Just move on. What do you think I did when Ali left me? I moved on. Sure it took me a while but I just occupied myself with something I do often, in this circumstance, battle training. Now she's engaged and I couldn't give a toss, but that's besides the point. You may feel guilt about taking HIS children, but you are not the only person in the world who feels that guilt. You may be pained about Thiad not coming with you but I'm sure other people feel that pain but they don't linger upon it."

Ava's voice was also low. She was about to make a comment that she knew would send Trin over the edge, but she didnt care. She was beyond caring about HIS feelings at this point. He couldnt give two shits about hers. "You got over Ali leaving you, and her getting engaged because you never really loved her." She sounded dark, and somewhat evil even thorough her tears.

What the hell gave Trin the right to yell at her the way he did? Because he adopted her?! By the time she became his daughter, she was already able to live on her own, and had for several years. "Dont talk to me like you know me, Trin! You couldnt tell me one thing about my life! Where the hell were you when the twins were born?! Where the hell were you when I was jumping around and screaming because Thiad proposed?! Where were you?! Off, being the sulky, suicidal arse you've always been?! Drinking, maybe?! You dont know SHIT about my pains! Not one mother freaking thing so until you have lived my life just shut the bloody hell up! You claim to know so much about the world and life! But the truth is you only know what you chose to see! And you're BLIND, TRIN! You are BLIND to the entire world except for the part YOU live in!" Her body and words spoke to him and him souly alone. She would have never thought she would say those things to her dad, but now that she had, she realized the total truth behind them. "Get out of my room! And dont come back in! Stay out of my head, and I'll do the same with you! I cant deal with you right now! I CANT!" With that, Ava would push Trin out of the room with her mind, and slam the door behind him, locking it. this was the worst night of her life.

Ava leaned back into Baen's arms. "I'm so sorry..." She whispered. "This is all my fault..."

Trin shook his head, smiling knowingly. He thought about his new Glock 29.
"Well time to put it to good use." He muttered quietly. He sighed, looking at his mutilated hand. Suddenly flame erupted from the skin and then disappeared and a layer of scar tissue had formed. He walked along the corridor to Lianna's room and turned to her guard.
"Tell my sister that I'll be going away for a while. Tell her that I won't be in the palace if she doesn't want me there." He then turned and headed to his bedroom.

leaning against the wall with Ava leaning against his arms he sighs
the drama here is too tense and scattered...what if he attacks now...
i'll do my best to defend them...
he then hurls his mind into Trin's
don't do anything stupid , Sir, i still need a boss.

he lowers his head so his mouth was near her ear and whispers softly to her
"get to sleep Ava, go back to sleep and calm down"

"I cant... the nightmares will come back. I just cant." With all the yelling and screaming, Ava was surprised that the twins hadn't wandered into the room to check out what was going on. She was happy they didnt. How woulld she explain that to them?
"You know the girls ask what happened to their dad. Why he's not around anymore... if he's oming back... and...I dont know what to say to them..." She whispered just loud enough for Baen to hear. She was worn out and tired, but she couldnt go to sleep.

"I'll be here for you, i'll stay here awake until the morn maybe further, and you have to get used to the idea of him not being here, and if possible try to locate someone to take his place. I'm sure you could find someone out of the 10,000 odd civilians out there..."

he looks down at her and hoped she would look up to him but was unsure of whathe would do if she did, what he would say, he's probably go on to say her true love is probably somewhere out there in her own kingdom...or maybe, he caught himself and checked that his barriers and blocked that though from leaving his skull, it would not bode well with any errant listeners

"now get to sleep, i promise you i'll stay here"

Ava looked up at Baen. He was right... but she didnt know how she would get used to the idea ofbeing without Thiad. He had been such a big part of her life for so long... and then in the midst of a death and resserection... that had all been lost. Why did Lia have to die?! Why did she have to become queen of this new place?! She wasn't blaming it on Lia- not at al... ubt what would have happened, had Lia not gotten sick?

"I love you, Baen. I really do." She would have smiled, but she couldnt. She wondered how much of that love was simply friendship... and how much of it was actual being IN love... at the moment... she was totally lost and confused. "I cant go to sleep..."

"nothing would have changed if she had not, you still would have formed this place, and your going to be a brilliant queen"
he smiles at as as she does
"love you to...now please go to sleep"

in her drowsiness he manages to get into her mind and soothes her mind till she falls asleep onhim he then focuses himself on remaining awake inside her mind keeping the nightmares away

Ava nodded before she fell asleep, one hand resting on his chest, and the other tucked under her own body.Her right leg was half-way extended, and her left was crossed over the right, bent up and resting on Baen's hip. She slept soundlessly without the nightmares interrupting her, and she finally was able to sleep through what was left of the night.

he sighs as he looks down at her sleeping peacefulyl as his own mind was haunted by visions he had brought up form his own living nightmares...
i'll try to be happy...if nothing else than for her
***end of topic***